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HairySpotter 8:56 Fri Oct 24
Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

Ronalds post got me thinking about flying. Im a terrible flyer but have done it often all my life, usually with about 6 pints and two Valiums in me depending on the distance.

What bad flight stories have you got?

I have been lucky enough never to have a dodgy flight of any kind BUT.....

In 2000 we were flying out for Lennox Lewis vs Michael Grant at Madison Square Gardens. Bearing in mind it was 2000, there hadn't been a hijacking or plane bombing for years and this was before 9/11. I took my seat, which was in middle, my mate had the window seat and the rest of us were dotted all over the plane. This Muslim guy with the full beard and clothes comes and sits on the 3rd seat next to me.

He is clutching a brown brief case and has it on his lap with both his arms wrapped round it. The stewardess comes round and tells everyone to buckle up for take off. she told him that he must put his brief case up on the shelf above us. He refuses at first and when she goes to grab the brief case, he pulls its back and starts shouting in Arabic or whatever. Hew then stands up and puts in in the compartment. As soon as she walks on, he grabs it down again and holds it.

I looked at him, and gave a face as if to say "you aint supposed to do that mate" but to be honest, I couldn't give a fuck. Then I noticed he was sweating a lot. As we take off, he is sweating and started to chant under his breath and rock back and forth.

We get up to the point in sky when plane starts to level off and I turned to my mate and said "look at this bloke, whats going on you reckon" My mate just shrugged it off and said to me, its probably a bomb, laughed and looked out of window.

Well that fucking done it for me, I looked at the bloke again and he was sweating, eyes shut, rocking back and forth and muttering these words which I swear was a prayer.

I said to him nicely "excuse me whats in the bag" He ignored me. I said again "mate whats in the bag" nothing, carried on doing his thing. So then i grabbed his shoulder, by this time im freaking out. I grabbed him and said whats in the fucking bag?? probably a bit too loud as people all around our seats took notice. He jumped up, grabbing the bag and started shouting at me pointing and holding the bag aloft. The stewardess comes running down, everybody is shitting themselves and tries to calm it. Im fucking delirious now thinking we are going down then another Arabic traveller comes over, and talks to him, at which point we all think they are in this together..my mates come down from end of plane to see whats going on. There is loads of shouting then the bloke who came to speak starts to translate for us.

The bloke opened the briefcase to reveal

Turns out the guy holding the brief case, was a doctor, petrified of flying. He was praying for a safe journey and in the briefcase was photos of his family and all his doctors gear like a stethoscope etc

i was told to sit down and shut the fuck up by everyone, made for a most uncomfortable journey I have to say and I guess in later days, the plane may well have been turned back and I could have been taken off it.

Everyone took piss out of me, but I was just such a nervous flyer, always felt the worst would happen to me. It was from then on I took Valium and beer before flying and now im the best flyer, proper calm etc but that's cos im high.

I say everybody took piss, it wasn't till a year later and 9/11 happened that people started to see that what i feared wasn't so out of the realms of possibility....

over to you

Ronald_antly 9:09 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

It could've been worse, mate.

It could have turned out like this;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lg-D5tlEH4M

HairySpotter 9:11 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

Is that the Ramstein video again!

Can't watch it!

Ronald_antly 9:13 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

Just listen to it, then.

cholo 9:37 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

HairySpotter 8:56 Fri Oct 24



Sounds like a rejected script from Citizen Khan.

Eerie Descent 9:52 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

Flown loads, and had many a fucking bad flight. Had a similar thing after 7/7, was in Germany when it happened, flying home that weekend, some beardo sitting in the back row, one behind me, reciting some passage from the Koran, literally from take off to landing.

I actually like flying, and love turbulence for some reason, but coming home from Mexico once, I actually said my goodbyes in my head, grown men around me crying.

cholo 9:55 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

Eerie

I piss myself laughing when we hit turbulence and everyone one goes ashen faced, admittedly is a nervous laugh but I love feeling the plane getting knocked about in mid air.

On The Ball 10:04 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

I'm not sure anyone had even heard of Muslims before 9/11.

Iron Filings 10:06 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

I was on a plane flying back from Goa in 1999 when they discovered a suspect package and diverted the flight to Bombay. After a 12 hour delay whilst they removed the device unloaded the hold etc we finally made our way back to Gatwick.

It turned out that the suspect package was a vibrator in a metal canister. There was snippets in all of the papers at the time with the exception of the Daily Sport where it made the front page headline.

Heres slink to the report in the Evening Standard:
http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=64OoOnlwfM4C&pg=PA165&lpg=PA165&dq=monarch+flight+diverted+to+bombay+vibrator&source=bl&ots=OIk1awbRSb&sig=TLoJPmH9FSiEEs3akPLx6ZcEDFA&hl=en&sa=X&ei=NQFKVNmDB82AadD5gPgI&ved=0CCgQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q&f=false

Northern Sold 10:13 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

Some bloke fainted and landed on my lap whilst I was having a snooze.... I woke up and shoved him off and he landed with a right bump.... scared the bejesus out of me.... he was ok just dehydrated.... had a emergency stop in a 747 at Miami.... getting speed along the runway to take off when suddenly slams on teh anchors.... loads of screeches from the tyres etc and swerving over the runway... had to wait two hours for everything to cool down...app' it was too heavy in the hold so osome luggage taken off... had turbulence plenty of times... I love a bit of that.... unless I got a beer or coffee on the go

Swiss. 10:34 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

Seriously hate flying but have to do it too often in line of work.

Worst was comimg back from SF hit Clear air turburlence at 33K feet. plane just dropeoed. I had my seat belt on but I leterally saw one stewardess almost bang into the ceiling.

The pilot came on the speaker in a broad Aussie accent> Sorry abut that we didn't see it in the radar

Gethin 10:38 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

Worst plane journey was flying half way across the atlantic to be re-directed back to gatwick because an engine fire\\malfunction.

As the plane came into land, looking out the window all i could see were fire engines and ambulances racing along the runway following us. The actual landing was also scary as it felt like we had crashed as the bang was so loud.

The funny thing is the passenger sitting next to me remarked about seeing smoke coming out of the engine prior to take off and we all laughed her off.

Eerie Descent 10:39 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

Cholo, I genuinely do love the buzz of it, on a flight to Barcelona once, bit of turbulence but nothing major, some woman was in between 2 blokes, holding both their hands, hysterically crying, I mean sobbing, and I just ended up cracking up, got some mean looks back!

The last form of transport that's worth getting worked up about, chances of anything happening are remote, and if it does, you ain't getting out alive, so at least you know where you stand before you decide to do it.

Bungo 10:44 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

I have no fear of flying to the point where I've even sat on a plane before take off deliberately thinking about air crashes, trying to get the feeling that those with a fear of it must have.

Didn't work. I must have a screw loose or something.

Kearley 11:24 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

I've flown regular since I was a young kid. Never, ever bothered me in the slightest.

But now when we are flying with my 7 year old daughter, I have just a tiny doubt/fear in the back of my mind.

As we accelerate down the runway, in my head I am copying Robert Redford at Nijmegan Bridge:

"Hail Mary, full of grace, hail Mary, full of grace"

Stupid really as I'm not at all religious. And when I'm flying out on a lads weekend I'm not bothered at all.

1941 11:25 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

I landed at southend airport.

Northern Sold 11:29 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

As we accelerate down the runway, in my head I am copying Robert Redford at Nijmegan Bridge:

"Hail Mary, full of grace, hail Mary, full of grace"





Ha ha ha... class !!!!!

Far Cough 11:30 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

Sold, the reason your plane couldn't take off was YOU, you fat cunt

BRANDED 11:31 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

I did one of those drop like a stone things. The stewards must have had a secret message cos the flew by and put their seat belts on in a flash. Probs only dropped 30 meters but everything flew in the air. Massive screaming and histeria for about 5 seconds and then lots if laughter when we all realised we were not about to die.

All great fun.

worm 11:38 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

Flying back from Sydney with Aeroflot, 1994.
I was lucky enough to end up in a row of 4 seats with nobody next to me. An hour or so in to the flight I decide to make use of them, knock all the arms up and lay out across the 4 seats.
I wake up a few hours later and the plane is still obviously in the air but its deserted. All the other passengers have disappeared, and the crew.
I sit there thinking about it for a minute before I decide I should probably be shitting myself...what if the pilot got off as well?
Eventually a stewardess walks past and I ask her where everyone is. Apparently the plane had hit turbulence and as the engines were not powerfull enough they had to move everyone to another part of the plane to help balance it out.
they couldn't wake me up so they left me where i was.

The same flight...the war in Yugoslavia was coming to an end, ceasefire was due to start. As we approach the airspace over the region the pilot comes on.
We need to take a 4 hour diversion around the battlefield as some shelling had started up again and the plane wasn't up to flying over it, so we had to fly around.

Don't travel with Aeroflot, kids.

Northern Sold 11:45 Fri Oct 24
Re: Worst Airplane Stories - bad flights etc

Far Cough 11:30 Fri Oct 24

Ha ha... it had been a 2 week VACATION eating pancakes, French Toast and Baby back ribs so there is probably an elemnet of truth in that!

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